“My Love” By Anissa Lewis

By Anissa Lewis ’24

My love,

We did a lot for the short time we were together. I don’t regret a thing because I am content with the way things ended. I can’t say I don’t miss you but it is becoming easier to accept that you’re finally gone. In this letter I hope to let you know that the love I had for you was there. I just didn’t know how to show it to you and I wish I had figured it out sooner. I would’ve climbed mountains for you, I would’ve flown across the world just to see you, I would’ve rode camels across the ocean just to be able to give you one last hug. I miss everything about you and I know it may sound silly but I would like to know if you miss me too? I would like to think you do miss me and that you also think about us finding each other once again. Do you remember the first time you took me to your parent’s boat house? We had just met and you fancied me enough to ask to take me on a date. Of course I agreed to go on a date with such a fine man. We rode your father’s boat into the ocean and stopped at the heart of it. We laid on the floor of the boat and watched the sunset fall into the sky. It’s funny because I was afraid of open waters but I was also too afraid to tell you. As we rode back to shore I had realized how quickly my fear had been erased and it wasn’t because it was slightly irrational. It was because I was with you, my peace, my grounding. You’ve always done that for me and only you. It was one of your many special talents that set you aside from everyone else on earth. There were times where you made it feel as if we were the only two people on earth. Just us. No one to tear us apart and no one to make me doubt wanting to spend the rest of my life with you. Even though I wasn’t able to spend my whole life with you, I was able to be there for the rest of yours. That’s something I never thought I’d say but I guess it’s romantic in a way. Makes me think of the time you took me to a beautiful waterfall just off of the coast. That was one of the many times I let you take me away without wondering about tomorrow. I never worried when I was with you because you made everything okay. We spent the day there basking in the sun and chasing each other in the clear, flowing waters. Our laughter boomed through the secluded entanglement of trees and bush. I felt so free and alive that day. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to go back and relive it just once more. My parents were so angry at us when we came back home but I didn’t care. I wish you could’ve treasured those moments the same way I did. But, everything happens for a reason and dwelling on the past is never good for anyone. You used to say that to me and I can finally say I understand what you meant. The first time you said that to me was when I had failed some huge test my second year of college. We had known each other for a year at that point and I was already falling for you, hard and fast. You placed both of your hands on my face and tilted my head upwards so our eyes could meet. You made sure I was looking directly into your eyes before you recited those words. My eyes slowly but surely lowered to your lips and yours did the same. I closed my eyes and we engaged in the most passionate kiss. Yours hands, still placed on my face, redirected my gaze back to your eyes and you repeated yourself. I’m glad you did because I got lost in some very salacious thoughts and completely lost focus. I think about that whenever I’m missing the times when we craved each other’s touch. Makes me wonder how our marriage was tarnished so abruptly. Your parents were just as devastated about the whole thing as I was. You told me our love was a lifetime and forever. What happened my love? I guess we both knew that this was bound to happen. The constant arguments, the difference in the way we viewed the world. If you really think long and hard, would we have even lasted another year? I know I said I don’t regret anything, and I might not, but I wish I would’ve seen the signs earlier. Spare myself and you of our current pain. There are times when I want to rid my heart and mind of the heartbreak and reminisce on some of our last joyful memories together.