“Fixture” by Avi Lohr

by Avi Lohr ’24

Life’s reverberating
A carousel of oxygen and words and mudstained ballgowns
I remember when I could still distinguish between the stars and you
Between the sea and the sunshine
Between today and the kaleidoscope of my dancing mind,

Oh, she never stops spinning
The tornado in the garden
In a dress made of moths she was the light
Now just a reflection, a call and response, that reverberating earth

That fever dream-painted sky, a symphony of dogwood flowers
With their tiny violins and the cicadas dancing on their dewy branches
The light is that of the forgetting, the winds are the breath of ghosts

Ruffling through my torn skirts, those ghosts, like they know me
They’re asking me to dance, but I’m still draped in the arms of the southern sun

And all the storytellers turned to dust in the night
So now I’m alone with the muses,
Oh how they laugh
And like sirens pull me into a sea of pure gold,
Of gold like honey, like childhood sunlight with the salt of forgotten empires

On the balcony above the nothingness you taught me how to fall
Nothingness is not the universe, Nothingness is not to be known
Nothingness is life without you
Nothingness is the swirling oil-and-water photograph of my mind
All neon and lost tumbling and screaming to the wind until I become it

The sky is my watermarked dreamland, the abyss of the extent of how far gone I am
The sea is calling, is singing, is that neverending carousel of losing and forgetting
And spinning into the sun, into the colors, oh, into the neon scream
Into the lull of tomorrow blending into yesterday
Into the sweet peace of not knowing,
Of Nothingness

I’m standing by the tracks now,
No, not standing, rather floating in an image of laughter
You were the polaroid I saw posted to the window so I followed the moonrays to here
But it rained so now the photograph looks a lot like my faded forgotten neon mind
I think it might be better this way
Now I can pretend the ghost on the spikes is you,
Is me,
Is the reverberating waves colliding in space to create the illusion of being found

Spinning into Forever this carousel is not stopping
Oh oxygen, oh swirling life
Oh tornado of flowers and other forgotten tomorrows
Oh, Nothingness, when did you become the reverberating earth?